Why do I love?

That's all I want to know.


It's just a simple, complex fucking emotion and it's useless. It does nothing but hurt until you have it back. Nothing else is like that; I can live without bliss for a day.

And I sure as hell can live without sorrow for a day. But love, why -oh why- must it torment me? Why do women, why do men, why does anyone subject him or herself to this....it's beyond me. I can't go on bearing the fact that every time I try to take a chance, I get shut out; yet, if I don't take the chance, I know I've changed nothing.

She chose being "sometimes" happy with him as apposed to always happy with me. Why would you call someone perfect, if they're not going to be you're choice. I never ask from her for anything, why am I throwing myself out on a limb? All I said was to make her own choice, instead of telling him you'd date him again just to make him happy. I told her to make herself happy. (Though, I know deep down, that's me; her only real excuse for not being with me is that I live in Erie, one hour and twenty minutes from her) She said she couldn't deal with that distance. I told her I've done it before, and the relationship worked...for a while (oh, past, I forsake you.) I told her it's not for me, she doesn't even have to choose me; just don't be with him.

Eh, I tried not to be selfish, I said I'd come home every single weekend. It won't work. So, he plans on going to a school, which they both got accepted to. If she doesn't go there, she'll be at most 10 minutes from me, or at the same school I'm at; what then, does distance apply to him to?!

I love her, and she loves me. Yet here I am...blogging to vent emotion. I should've chased after her. I should have not given in. I'm letting her slip away again.

"I don't wanna lose you..." she told me.

It's hard to keep me when I can't be there. I'm not just her friend and she'll never learn that, I think. I don't think you can have your two cakes and eat them both.